By Kyle Petersen

Juggling Zombie

Juggling Zombie

Everyone knows that December 21st is the last day of human existence as we know it, but don’t fret. Dubé Juggling has got you covered with our handy guide to surviving the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse!

-Lots of people are planning apocalypse parties on December 21st. Performers: Make sure to raise your rates accordingly.

-Make sure to stock your bugout locations with lots of kendamas. Extended periods of isolation can lead to insanity. Shredding some sweet kendama moves will help combat this.

-Give all of your unicycles a proper tuneup. Unicycles can travel at speeds up to 20 mph, much faster than the average zombie.

-After the apocalypse strikes, diabolo string will be extremely hard to find. Dubé Juggling sells string by the roll. Stock up now!

Throwing knives are ineffective against zombies.

-If a zombie is chasing you, toss an LED hoop by Troo Hoops in front of them. They will spend at least an hour getting into some serious flow. This will give you time to escape.

-If you find yourself in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada surrounded by droning, seemingly undead poi spinners, remember: it’s not the Zombie Apocalypse; it’s just Burning Man.

-Zombies are susceptible to fire. Juggling torches, Monkey Fist Fire Poi and Fire Fans are recommended.

-Whatever you do, don’t go upstairs. No! Stop!!! Ah, it’s too late.

Below, you can see the effects of zombieism on the average juggler.

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